I Hate Airlines, You Don't Even Know!

Posted on August 25, 2008 / Thoughts

I don't think that I can honestly express my ferocious hatred for airlines. Seriously, I hate all those fuckers! and the worst part is that they are soooooo nice when you're at the gate, or checking in, or on the phone with them. But behind the scenes they all suck balls!!! Big balls. Chewbaka balls! that' photo above kind of sums it up!

I can't count how many times I've traveled and somehow been fucked by airlines. This time, I guess you can say, was partially my fault. I just wanted to change my return flight from NYC to Boston. Can't do that without paying $150. Nope! Can't do anything without paying. Not only that but I have to pay $15 to check in my bag. WTF, mate?!?!

Another time i had to change my flight they charged me $200. Weak sauce, that's all i can say! I think a more appropriate name for American Airlines would be Jewmerican Airlines (not to be racist or anything).

See my theory is simple: I think they have lots of seats on flights that go empty because nobody is willing to pay $500 for. Seriously. Every day prior to departure they increase the price of the ticket, so that some hopeless dude who desperately needs to get home and shell out that money and they can make up for all their other open seats. Now, a better idea! start selling that shit for cheaper starting the day before. Drop the prices from $500 down to $100 and fill those seats. Create a website that sells these tickets like ebay (without the auctioning) first come first serve, right there, live, just before the flight takes off (a day before that is). And then they can at least make some money and make some people happy.

Yeah, i know, so the people on the flight who payed full price will feel salty, whatever. How about that dude who pays $500 for his ticket? He's pretty pissed himself.

Ok here's another idea. Lots of times they have flights that are packed but half the first class seats are open. Once i offered them $100 to upgrade me. They said no! They said I have to pay $1500. I said fuck off and die!! But seriously, think about how much extra cash they could make?!? It would make up for some of the loses? right? And think about how many people will be happier. Fill the seats, make money, make people happy? Great business! And you never know, maybe somebody will get their heart broken? Their candy stolen? Maybe an unsportsmanlike conduct on an NYCer? Maybe a purse/shoe loving woman? Who knows?

Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm not an Airline Executive, but obviously they don't know what they're doing, right?

And they said Arabs were only good at flying planes into buildings, huh?