People You Tried to Forget
i try not to think about my past life, and when i say past life i mean that life prior to the second half of fifth grade. why? you ask. because that was not the best part of my life.
i was an ugly kid, apparently, and i now admit it. i was real skinny, i had long jerry-curl-esque hair and real big glasses. and for some reason my head (which is relatively small) looked so big when placed upon my toothpick like body.
i wasnt the most popular kid in school, that is fo sho (think 40 year old virgin). i remember a few defining moments, though, that recreated my image at the school i was at:
The first moment of my lower school life that thrawted my popularity from the "gutter" was an interception. One misely football game, fourth graders (me) vs. the fifth graders. It was that one interception that redefined my whole existence at Hadley Elementary school. Now that i realize that sports and heroic like actions define a man/woman as popular, the more i shame myself for even trying to catch that ball. you see that interception marked the greatest upset in hadley elementary school history. the fourthgraders beat the fifth graders. we were victorious. i was victorious.
In order to maintain my "coolness" at hadley, i had to act like a "cool kid," which meant nothing but sheer disobedience towards authority. the more rebellious one was, the "cooler" one was. It had nothing to do with intelligence or work ethic, it was purely aesthetic. thus the beginning of a slight downfall in my short existence. i was indirectly stressed into becomeing rebellious and i acted out in every situations. then i found myself in detention for two months.
Half way through fifth grade i embarked on a new adventure, morgan park academy. when i got there, everybody knew the lyrics to "i saw the sign"--which i mistook for "i saw the sun"!! i was embarrassed for them. they seemed gay, but apparently that song was popular. whatever.
i'm tangenting. the point is that i just got a new job as a bar manager, the bar happens to be located down the street from my old school and all those people that i once knew. so they've been coming in lately, looking at my suit, my status and hair and asking:
"whats your name?"
"what's your last name?"
"holy shit, man! You remember me?"
"no" (i dont care either)
then they start this long monologue about how its soo good to see me and how they remember this and that and how they're glad to see that i'm doing well and that everything is good. except they look kinda funny. fat, kinda grimy looking. i think their retarded. they goto the bathroom and take a line then come back with more friends and i'm forced to remember them all. i dont care! i scream to myself. why would i care about you fuckfaces! you pieces of shit made me feel like shit for four years! then i intercept a pass and i'm the coolest kid in the world. eat shit and die, you dump-wagon loving fags.
just because they found out that john koht runs a bar up the street, they think their overweight alcoholic desires will be feed forever. well i say no. i will ban you forever.
one observation in life is that no matter where life takes you, you will alway cross the people you tried to forget, whatever reason it may be, they will alway come to haunt you. and when you come to realize that they are here not to befriend you, but to use you, as they did when you were younger, you will then realize why you tried to forget them, why your life is fine as it is, and their interference is unjustified and useless. go away, i say. i live on