The Perfect Teeth Theory: Why Reality TV Isn't So Real

Posted on December 23, 2008 / Thoughts

Throughout college I found myself watch entirely too much reality TV. Mostly, I found myself watching MTV's Next to fall asleep. Unfortunately, I found myself watching numerous other reality shows throughout my stay in Boston. The more reality TV that I watched I began to uncover an unusually common theme between ALL reality TV: I noticed that all these reality "actors" possessed immaculate teeth. Seriously, perfect structure, perfect form, perfectly white.

To avoid any awkward questions, the reason I "noticed" these similarities is because there was a good couple of months when I was a bit self-conscious about my teeth. I have great structure, but I smoke enough to keep them at a slightly off white tint. But that's not it! I had braces and although that helped a great deal in straightening my teeth, my fangs and uneven teeth set was never perfect. So as I watched these reality show reruns at 3am, I noticed how all of these "real people" had amazing teeth.

I figured that my teeth should just about me the average across the board for most people, especialy considering how many people have f*cked up teeth. Even my friends who haves japs, yellow teeth, etc. Not only that, but I also noticed that the average person would not go on a dating show or reality TV. Nope! I did quite a bit of research to find statistics of healthy white teeth but didnt find some qualitative evidence. If we consider ourselves "average" then if you use a matematically average of all the people you know there should be at least a couple who have perfect teeth. Also, in this average there may be a couple who have participated in a reality TV show. Now, I don't know anybody who was in a reality TV show, but...? So what are the chances that somebody out of all the peopel you know who have perfect teeth have actually participated in reality TV? Probably none!

So how could all reality TV participants have perfect teeth? Simple, it's not as "real" as it appears. Reality TV shows like Next, The Real World, Rock of Love, Meet my Parents, etc. don't actually find "random" people that submit their video logs? Becuase if that was the case, we'd have a bunch of idiots--not that we don't already--but these idiots would have average teeth, at least based on our statistics. So what's the deal? Who are these people? Simple, who are people who want attention, looking for some kind of fame and have great teeth?....Struggling actors?!!! Yeah, they are almost required to have great teeth so most of them get their teeth whitened or get some lumineers! hahah. Yes! Maybe MTV and these other network shows hire struggling actors for these shows?? Think about it, it's still real in the sense that there is no script, but thes people are trained (whether they are good at it or not isnt our concern) for fitting roles and playing characters. So maybe they tell them that they should be "the asshole" or the "sweet, naive southern girl" or the "jersey douchebag". Hmm?